Mass Effect Rant (Possible Spoilers?)

[Insert Obligatory Rant about Mass Effect]

(Possible Spoilers?)

I need to get this out, Confessions of a Gamer, but fucking hell what is up with Mass Effect? So far I'm bored outta my fucking mind haha...
Don't hurt me! 

Does it get better? Anyone? Anyone?

I'm irritated as all hell with this game at the moment! It's like someone took everything they enjoyed about Star Trek, changed the names of stuff, and just made it into a game. AKA Elder Scrolls in Space... right?

The only part I like is, obviously, the ability to choose what you want to say... however it's like too much at times. You're either a nice person, a cautious person, or a god damn asshole... yet you can't curse as the asshole?! SHENANIGANS! haha...

Come on Shepard... (which is Lady Shepard in my game)

And why aren't there any dude , prostitutes whores strippers er I mean host services?? huh? Or some Chippendale dancers, huh? For the laddddiieeesss (and the gays!)?

One, the fucking warthog (I'm totally calling it that because I can't remember the name of the driving machinery)... I hate controlling that thing. I severely wish one of my minions would drive it instead, while I can sit back and enjoy the ride. 

Let's face it, you know Shepard should have a chauffeur, especially if you're a dick (not male version, just dick version) Shepard like I find myself increasingly becoming in this damn game!

The more characters I meet the more hostile I get with them haha... ESPECIALLY with my minions!

I also wish I could type in my own sassy comments because they'd become something along the lines of "Why don't you just suck my dick that I don't have because I am a lady..." or *insert any fun Red vs Blue line here*

Also Tali*insert rest of name here* cracks me up. I find her hilarious only for the way she talks...
Seriously think of her voice... 

I will bring up again where are the male host club members...
I found this and loled



Because I think I keep that Kaidan guy by my sides... at all times... *winky wink wink*


...Seriously, does he take off his shirt one day? I'd very much enjoy that... haha

what a shit show my life becomes in that game haha...
I decided to put Ashley and Tali as my minions and run around as the Trio of Pissy Women.

I took Kaidan out literally because


He kept getting stuck behind stuff and I was furious with his shenanigans!

The fucking warthog (Mako) has gotten me stuck behind so many obscure locations I can't even...

Ashley's bitching about how she will kill anything she sees, all while Tali keeps mentioning that her people "get it" about any information we come across...
My FemShep (AKA ME) is ready to kill them both, possibly PMS to blame, as I run around aimlessly trying to figure out who needs me to do what!

I am not a delivery service people!

I literally play the game how I instantly react to what's been said, which is probably gonna screw me over later on in this MS life but...

That being said, I'm totally enjoying this game because of the shenanigans I have to deal with! haha
I find it beyond hilarious!

(Moving along through the game… close to the ending)

Holy fuuuuuuck, okay I get it now. I totally like this game!

That being said I have now had Kaidan, Garrus, and Wrex stuck behind stuff and unable to move/follow me. WTF is up with the male minions on my team, huh???
The ladies do JUST fine.

My Initial reaction to the ending of Mass Effect:

Didn't save Ashley... not even sorry.

Upon further reflection: I, in fact, enjoyed this game. However, It took me a LONG time to warm up to it... My frustration was drowning even my love for this Kai-Kai man under my command haha...

Obviously, I didn't go through the whole game, let's face it, some of the stuff asked of me I said "no way, I'm above this shit, I'm a Spectre mother fucker! (Let me go sex up to Kaidan now!) "

That being said, either there's a whole shit ton of plotholes in this fucking storyline, or they get filled in the other 2 games... right now my interest is going hmm... what... is going on here?

Like some games in this genre, they try to cover up there tiny plotholes by naming things something obscure and trying to talk circles around you...

Biggest Plot hole: Everyone speaks fluent American English. Shenanigans. Total and utter shenanigans right there.

Also this:



There's no hole in this plot. ...what? 

[End of Obligatory Rant about Mass Effect]