いらっしゃいませ~

Welcome to my blog

2013年9月19日木曜日

WynneWin music

Julie here~

I compose music in the electronica/trance genre!
Would you care to take a listen?

WynneWin music on itunes

Here's my new album:




















WynneWin's new album: The Melancholy Chronicles of Julie (Which can also be found on places like Amazon.com and Rhapsody!)

I believe that my music is a way to express my emotions and feelings freely through trance vibes and siren vocals to my heart's content. I enjoy being a free-formed poet and a finger-tipped musician in the common era. I don't follow much of the mainstream music scene, but I thoroughly enjoy creating music that is enjoyable to listen to; in a dreamy other world sort of way!

My music, I find, is trance vibes and beats mixed with siren and crisp flow of vocals make this album a burst of life; energy not like the mainstream of music today. My vocals tend to drift between the English and Japanese language often, as well as my siren voice to my lower tones. This album creates an atmosphere unique to creative sound. Dreamy and melodic music for the new generation.

I hope you enjoy!



2013年9月2日月曜日

My dear, the world is hopelessly boring...

"How can you move forward if you keep regretting the past?"

I want to talk about memories; the power to create, warp, and bend memories into our liking...

I enjoy that fact of human life.

My dear, the world is hopelessly boring... it's time to make some memories to make it better.

Reality itself is always tainted and twisted through perception and other means of consciousness… therefore memories are created in the individualistic sense. A memory is your own, simplistically it can be shared, but it's really only yours.

When we take a look at what reality has become around us, there's a decision whether to apply that to our inner workings or not.

Say a dream is a dream, but it is still a memory embedded within us. Some memories are easily forgotten, while others stay solid in our heads for years and years.

Do we have the power to choose which ones we keep for longer periods of time? Absolutely, though there’s still a selection process it seems. It also depends on how deep your brain is, how far you're willing to keep things secure, and how much storage space you have in that noggin of yours, right?

I’d like to believe mine is quite endless, possible exceeds most original capacities. I remember very well, though, as a child, I didn’t understand that my brain was wired to remember pictures and sounds at a far more superior fashion than that of text. A photographic memory and a music box remembrance if you will.

Once I noticed this to be true, I don’t forget pictures and I don’t forget music. It just doesn’t happen. I will remember those details very well.

When I read a book, I will remember only what pictures I have stored inside my head, thus many of the words and details are gone in their original natural form.

I’m okay with that. It’s my memory after all.


So, are memories all that reality is? I could believe such a thing, they are mine and no one else's after all. They are yours and no one else's after all. They're applied to daily life always...

Everything is remembered through interactions and the remembrance of said interactions. Weighing the importance of each experience makes it stick in the head for how ever long period of time, possibly forever.

It's too painful to remember,
It's too important to forget;
It's what shapes us as a person...

Can you remember a time when you forced yourself to forget something? ...Did it work?

I can think of a few times when I've done this and I've actually succeeded, but I believe that is merely myself overcoming conditioning in my human nature. A real crisp memory I don't believe I've ever been able to completely erase it.
Now why do I bring this up?

Well, reality, I wonder, can you change it to something you desire and not what others desire for you? It is possible to be completely and utterly you and your memories in harmony & bliss? Do others hinder or help you with this?

Would a part of you die if you cut everything off? Or would you bloom in the radiant solitude?

You are here alone again, in your sweet insanity...
All to calm, you hide yourself from reality...
Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty?
When all the world has turned away to leave you lonely...

My memories are beautiful, just yours are...

They bring back something that isn't supposed to exist anymore.

When memories start to fade, I think of them more. I don't want to them to fade and they aren't supposed to fade.

It's like a rhythm to the beat of life, keeps things steady and keeps things wonderful. Beating with my heart....

I'm alive~


Just thinking.
It's a rush this sort of up, it's like being high. I know I've said this before. 
It's like I want to create a whole boat load of memories for myself and just feed my soul with that... and that alone.

I want to world to hear EVERYTHING inside my head so they just know, you know?? That they know... 

I want everyone to know... things...

Yeah...
















For some reason, I decided to watch Titanic this weekend. Well, no, not the whole thing, just specific parts when older Rose is referring back to her memories...

At the end she says, "He exists now... only in my memory."

Memories are what make us who we are…
We are what we remember.
We are not what we forget.

So how do we distinguish what is remembered and what is not?

It’s like studying for a test of life and there’s just certain information no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot remember.

Should be more focused on something like that? Focusing on our memories in order to move forward, or does that just backfire on our realities?

















Like a bad memory, how one can just pop up into your head at any given moment and just ruin what good the day has brought to you in the present.

How past troubles can do that... 

If so, does it work the other way, huh?

Is it something that can even be helped? It's like a whisper in your heart when it's too quiet. You can hear it... or maybe you can always hear it, you just block out the sound once in the while.

Some may say the bad memories are supposed to make us stronger, but frankly I don't believe that. The good ones make use stronger, the bad simply confuse our reasonings and our understanding of the world. 
I believe human beings know themselves quite well, which is shown in those happy memories; the ones that we find complete and utter joy in remembering and reliving again. The ones that make us whole or make us feeling something.

They show us what we need. They show us what we desire. They us a world worth living in...


Sometimes the happy memories seem to have a dark tint to them, mainly because they are so joyeous and what is needed in my mind, but if they're truly obtainable again leaves a sick feelings to my stomach.

I want them back... I say to myself.
No, the specific memory. Just the feeling.

Indeed, maybe just one memory is enough to sustain me for the rest of my life.
I believe my mind is strong enough... and yet...

Just think of me long enough to create a memory...


It's too scary to know that I could just disappear that easily without it...

2013年7月19日金曜日

How it feels to watch Game of Thrones:

Here's a short summary (conversation) of me watching Game of Thrones:

Me: Game of Thrones, you have violence, you have sex, and an intriguing story line... I like you!
Game of Thrones: Thanks! Glad you're enjoying yourself!
Me: You have some fine looking people on your show too...
Game of Thrones: Indeed we do!
Me: Great characters- ...wait, w-what are you doing Game of Thrones?
Game of Thrones: I'm being Game of Thrones of course!
Me: P-Please don't kill characters I like...
Game of Thrones: Oh you like that character do you?
Me: P-Please don't-
Game of Thrones: Oopsies!
Me: GAME OF THRONES STOP FUCKING WITH ME FEELINGS!
Game of Thrones: MWAHAHA!!!
Me: NOOOO!!
Game of Thrones: And another!
Me: PLEASE STOP!
Game of Thrones: One more time!
Me: STAAAHHHPPP! *sobs*





















(Literally every episode that's the conversation I have with my computer screen followed by mild sobbings and "what the fuck is going"s...)

Games of Thrones is AMAZING.

2013年7月10日水曜日

When positivity means jack shit (depression & mood)


So...

Sometimes a person can't help how they feel.
No amount of rays of sunshine or cute kittens can make them "snap out of it" so to speak.
Sure many people go through episodes like...
Yet many people don't.


Suddenly there's an ogling group of people trying to hack your brain and find out why you're "sad" or "depressed"

For me, at least, I'm not depressed, but I got through some pretty drastic mood swings... much like bipolar actually.

There's no why to the notion of being sad most of the time. It just is. No answer to have.

Because of this, others will instantly try to find out what could possibly be causing this because THERE MUST BE A REASON!!!

"Aww, hun, tell me what's on your mind, how are you feeling..." *soft caressing*

I'd rather not be talked to like I'm a five year old.

"Talk your feelings out! It'll make you feel better!"


I could scream until my lungs are sore about my feelings...
Hmmm... still don't feel any better.

"Be more positive!"


Story of my life right there. 

I mean come on, that only works on either dumb people or people who aren't actually depressed in the first place!

I had an old friend's mom one time  try to "help" me with my "issues"... she gives me a card that said 3 bullshit phrases like "I will make no assumptions about others", "I appreciate myself", "I am beautiful" Told me to say them to myself everyday when I woke up... Assumingly trying to pull me through my "depression", huh?












I literally gave her that look like in the picture above (minus the finger bang) You must be fucking outta your mind!

And this is why I hate most people we can't have nice things...

They call us the crazies, huh? Pretty sure the "normies" are the aliens on this planet!












I know it's hard to get something that you've never been through, but the ignorance is out of fucking control.
It's like, hey, I don't get country music or fake nails or obsessive mothers talking about their genius level babies or Uggs or lesbians who pretend to be boy pop stars Justin Bieber?? 

...but I'm not gonna preach...

It'll get better, look on the bright side! I have the solution! Listen to me! LISTEN.
*shrink back* *nods*
Act like you're happy! 
Uh...
Are you happy yet?
No...
How about now?
No... ??
TRY HARDER!
(O_O)

















*Sigh*

Everyone wants to help each other, but some things don't have answers do they?

Which is frustrating as fuck.

Human beings are pretty selfish, they believe that it is something they are doing, when it has nothing to do with them in the first place, right?

Having a friend question what they were doing to make me feel certain ways, and all I could ever say was "it has nothing to do with you..."

People don't appreciate the answers I give them, when they are the most humble of truths... I find that odd. 

Why does everyone pretend the truth is not the truth; or want some sort of water downed version, not everything is happy or fixable yeah?
































I tend to tell the truth if asked now, since before that's "gotten me in trouble", and by that I mean, some people are just superficial assholes. Fine, be as deep as a kitchen sink, fine. Don't get all huffy at me if you can't handle the truth.

I'm not going to censor myself when you ask me how I am... 

Superficial life is incredibly dull to me. 

But you know, we've got plenty of people willing to go with the flow of society, so I'll let them handle that.



YEAH.

If you want to help someone like me, just be there for them. Silently being there and listening closely to the words being said. They mean something after all...












A shoulder to lean on... for people in need.

2013年6月20日木曜日

Ignorance and Terrorism?


I find that when I'm usually frustrated with the world, it has to do with people being ignorant and closed minded.
Not even stupid people, which stupid people can be incredibly frustrating... no.
It's the ignorance I can't stand. 

So I was talking to one of my friends who's pretty 'Murrica in regards to foreigners being let into this country. (AKA I mean closed minded) 
Okay fine, I get it, you're upset they don't speak English well and take our jobs.
As someone who has lived in another country where the language isn't my native... it's really fucking difficult sometimes.

I was talking to her about the Boston Bombings, since I've been on that since it happened and she goes "This is what happens... we let them into our country and then they blow us up."



Even though America's history is based on a bunch of people from other countries coming together to form a new one... fine, whatever, let's forget history for a moment. 

So, me being a smart ass, I press her on the matter.

"So all the immigrants that come over to this country are terrorists, then?

My other friend laughs jokingly "heh that's interesting." and a glare is followed by my other friend.

...but still funny.

Continuing being a smart ass I say:

"Clearly being a citizen isn't stopping people from gunning down children at schools or shooting up movies theater... is it? We don't really need any help killing each other, but sometimes foreigners go, hey that looks like fun, let me join in!"

Then I get up and go all Michael Jackson on her

...lol
Sometimes I can't help myself.

She can't win this argument... haha... Just an excuse to dance 

Don't get me wrong, I understand what she's vaguely trying to say here but... 
I'm kinda surprised people think that terrorists are our biggest threat against our wonderful American lives...
No, I'd say there's a lot of pissed off Americans who wanna kill people already in this country, it's apparent on the news everyday.

Hell some dumbass tried to send ricin to the President, amirite?
Even better the FBI arrests the wrong guy and insert my favorite quote from false suspect: "...and I thought they said 'rice' and I'm like I don't even eat rice!"


lolsies... 
he then proceeds to thank "baby Jesus" or some shit... hahah...

'Merica.

Not even the children are innocent anymore. In Philadelphia, currently we have had constant situations where little children (yeah 10/11/12) are robbing people at gun point on the streets.

Yup.

The next day I see a segment on the news about "my first rifles", little rifles given little children so they can learn how to use guns.


I loled at the irony.

So moral(...??) of the story? Now my friend's pissy at me because I made fun of her "beliefs"... haha...

...I just couldn't help myself.
I wanted to dance like Michael Jackson...

PEACE

Mass Effection 3 Citadel DLC rant and rave!

My Mass Erection Effection 3 rant continues with...

The Citadel DLC!

*Spoilers Included*


But Julie I thought you were done-
NO! I'm never done with my Mass Erection!!!

What is there left to talk about? A sweet little diddy I'd like to call Citadel-why-isn't-all-shore-leave-like-this-DLC

Even though I'm still


I will bring on my ranting...

So I’ve acquired some fashionable pad that Anderson has been keeping all to himself, even though he’s dying on Earth currently.

May I ask how the first human spectre didn’t have a sweet apartment like this? Hmm?

Shenanigans.

Anderson is like “lolsies I’m most likely gonna die here… so there you go! Have my very expensive mansion apartment complex in some eccentric part of town! The fires never shut off, so it’ll mostly likely burn the place down in the near future! Hazzah! Oh I’ve also left a bunch of extremely personal audiopads lying around for no particular reason other than to make you listen to my voice for an excruciating long period of time! You’re welcome!

All while FemShep is “

So shore leave. 
















...more like everyday.

Because we don’t have enough times when I’ve come back to the Citadel for one specific trip just to fuck with people’s heads and makes us waste all our fuel. It’s my damn ship, I do what I want!














Joker’s like "come have sushi with me!" 
I’m like "YES." No questions asked. 













Bitches love sushi.

Oh j/k Joker didn’t send that message… 
Now some cray bitch named Brooks comes to find me and freaks out saying someone is gonna kill me. 
(Who aren't reapers btw, which I'm like oh well who cares?) She has got to be the worst alliance officer ever… of all time.

I’m like umm bitch. EVERYONE is trying to kill me… do you know who I am?!

What are you the reincarnation of Ashley?! If you call me skipper, I'll kill you.

and we don’t get to have sushi because someone fucking attacks us first. FML
I wanted sushi… //frowny face//
























So I fall through the fish tank, because I don’t have any skills suddenly…
Don’t have a scratch on me. 
(Don’t think that’s really possible…) I must have super powers now!






















Or I'm Batman.

So I run around the citadel trying not to die with some amazing pistol I’ve acquired magically.
Kaidan lover shows up.

Kaidan: “And Shepard… nice outfit…
FemShep: "thanks Kaidan it’s pretty much the same damn outfit you have on actually. I didn’t wear a dress to dinner with Joker, fuck no, my body’s for you Kaidan clearly! But did you ask me out on a date? Nooooo~ You were too busy doing something else huh?"



















You cannot see my boobs through my armor Kaidan.

And who else shows up?
Fucking Wrex?!?!
I almost pissed myself with joy 
(or orgasmed with happiness) 
He legit tackles a flying car... because he can. I can't even-























What happens if he died? Who shows up then?

We get back to my new sweet pad and It’s like a ME1 reunion just walked through the door (+EDI)... AKA everyone who enjoys getting shot at came to my aid… I may have been way too joyous during this time.

Brooks talks some kind of nonsense to me for a good 5 minutes














Seriously, did no one brief you on WHO I AM!?!














...who let you join the army? Seriously? 
Is Anderson trolling me?
Did he send her to test my patience?




I'm failing.

So uncover mission time, we are forced to dress up nicely... and I begrudgingly take Brooks along, since I’m convinced she’s not capable of doing anything beneficial to me…

One false move and:















So Shore Leave has taken a toll for the sexy.


















Finally wear my dress… Kaidan says nothing.

(btw FemShep walks soooo fucking weird in that dress of hers. It’s like her butt sticks out way too far. I swear EA really needs to fix this shit… I’m pretty sure the people who work on these games have never met a real woman before.)

Kaidan, why don’t you wear this snazzy outfit more often, huh? You looking handsome under my command should be mandatory.

I force Kaidan to dance for a good 10 minutes for my personal enjoyment. All while Brook is whispering in my ear "I'm upstairs... come meet me" Ignoring you...

Dance gypsy DANCE!















Seeing Sha’ira again was a fiinnnaallly for me. 
(You know the asari whore excuse me I mean the hostess/massage therapist/mindraper from the first game) They did that way too often with this game, just make up characters and go “nah we don’t need you byeeee

I asked her if she was going to mindfuck me again... she didn't respond.






























I have to talk to guards and hack security cameras so why-am-I-in-a-vent-Brooks can do her damn job. Goes to show FemShep is the boss since she makes everyone else do random grunt work for her.

Kaidan did a fantastic job of making up nonsense while talking to people. I actually missed my chance at hacking the system because I was too busy laughing at his ridiculous stories he made up.

"Heeeey~ don't I know you?"
"No..."
"No I TOTALLY know you!"

So finally mission complete?- Oh, er, that dude is dead. Cool. Oh we recovered data, yay? WTF is going on? 


















We aren't planning things out well are we?

Time for phase two I guess.
I take Wrex and Kaidan lover with me because reasons.
Liara, and EDI get all pissy with me, saying I never take them anywhere. So I’m like, "I shall hear your complaining and raise you- I’ll take EVERYONE! HAZZAH~~!!!"Why this hasn’t happened before is beyond me.

Mass Effect Logic: 





















Very important mission, humanity relies on this intel. Take 2 people with me. Leave rest on ship.

Some dude brings me a pizza because James got the fucking munchies. Biggest “lol what??” moment. I haven’t thrown the party yet come back later!
What a bro James is, seriously... 
(You're not allowed to have pizza unless we bang.) Deal?

So new mission of great importance… and who do we meet now?
An alleged clone of me?
…wat?















Sorry wrong game.

Kai Leng Miranda… I think you have some explaining to do…

I was mad confused this happened, let alone that my clone is legit capable of destroying my life. Shenanigans.















The subtitles are funny, they first call the clone "Mysterious Figure."
I'm like "No... I'm pretty sure that's me.."

I was dumbfounded for a good 10 minutes.

Kaidan did a fanfuckingtastic job defending my honor...
Kaidan: "Y-you're not the real Shepard! R-right Shepard? I, er, wait, who have I been having sex with?!" *spaz attack*
FemShep: *Death Glare*

















Kaidan god dammit NO! STAHP IT!

Shore Leave is getting ridiculous...


My clone is basically a better version of me, except she's an uberbitch...

Alright then...

FemShep is like "Imma talk into my omnitool and stop you fools from taking my ship-"
Clone: "shanked."
FemShep: "...dammit."



Going through the archives was actually pretty cool; it’s like an extra history lesson that they completely forgot to add in the actual game…

EAlol let’s put this into the story line! Why? Because we can~!
Seriously EA. Stop that shit. 



So we fight our way to the clone to have what happen? We get stuck in some container and oh look that stupid clone set this whole thing up. What a grand surprise! 


Funny how the original Shepard is suddenly a dumbass. That clone stole more than looks in this case. 

Oh and that bitch 
Miranda Brooks. I fucking knew it. No one is that stupid of an officer in the Alliance. Frankly, I’m glad she betrayed me because now I know she’s actually not a retard.



Good for her.

(Pretty much Brooks IS Ashley reincarnated because she hates aliens... I knew it. They're punishing me for killing of Ashley and enjoying it.)

Oh and now they’re taking my ship. Hell. No.

Also, suddenly I'm not FemShep anymore and I'm just a civilian stuck in a container.



The whole “I should go” conversation was golden. (Why didn’t they do MORE of this in the original game?! ) FemShep is so worried about how she pronounces a sentence while Wrex and Kaidan are like.. ummmmm can we please get outta here...

Must get back to ship.

More bitching from Edi and Liara because I don't take them along...

My clone tries firing everyone on the Normandy. I know FemShep can be a bitch sometimes, but really? No one thought that was a little odd? Really?
Traynor flips a shit at me.

Traynor: Why would you fire me! Omg I'm amazing why whhhhyyyy
FemShep: Calm down LezzieBean!

We use… I’m sorry… we use Traynor’s toothbrush to break into my ship? …I…

I can’t…



Me: ...w-why...?
EA: because reasons.

We’re on the ship, all my shit is in a bag labeled trash, even my cute little hamster… 
WHO THROWS OUT A HAMSTER?!

Imma kill… dat clone bitch.



FemShep holds nothing back and almost destroys the Normandy to get it back.
Mass Erection logic. It’s fine.
Because I’d rather have the ship destroyed than a clone pretending to be me and frolicking around smash ruining my golden reputation. 

So showdown.

I beat this clone pretty quickly to my surprise, even those my clone has a much better healing ability than I do… seriously FemShep got the low end of the “make me whole again” deal here…


Sorry, wrong game again.

I even try to save the clone. Why? Because I wanted spare organs. That’s what clones are for. And we all know FemShep needs extra parts.

Didn’t happen. Died anyway.


Miranda Brooks goes to jail... Allegedly you can kill her. Missed that opportunity... (It's okay I killed Ashley) 

Normandy still needs repairs, huh?… lol I wonder why? 
Did Femshep have something to do with that hmm???


...I can't unsee this.