Translation of
everything Lester says; “I’m not biased. I swear. Please believe me.”
Whelp. This should be
good.
(This may possibly turn into a drinking game)
Oh the fake shake. I
love it.
Hillary: Let me thank
stuff first to delay my answering. Future. Mention my granddaughter because
cuteness will help me win votes. Jobs. Future. Jobs. Technology. Jobs. "Small
Business" mentioned twice drink twice. Work.
Donald: I’m
acknowledging you Hillary because I hate you. Thanks Lester. FUCK MEXICO. I
mean jobs. China mention the earliest in debate history. Mexico again. Jobs.
Leaving. Everyone’s leaving. Stop those jobs from being stolen. Refusing Taxes. "Ronald Reagan" mention and drink to that Republican bliss.
Hillary: We're 5% of the world. (We’re not
only 5% of the world, we have a shit load of population yo.) Tax cuts! “Trumped
Up Trickled Down?” LMAO. Down your drink for that gem. I was not as fortunate
as Trump? (GTFO Hillary.) Get that small business bid in again. "Middle Class" mention DRINK.
Trump: Wait I only got
a small loan and CHINA. Trade Stuff. Jobs. Mexico again. Business talk that no one
understands but me. Happiness, my happiness. Trump is on a roll. "All Politicians are douches" roll.
AND THE DEBT. Drink. TAXES FUCK THEM. Stop those jobs leaving. They took our
jooooobs.
Hillary: Wait let me
talk about Taxes now. So the 1930s sucked. We had that again in 2008 yo.
Trump: THAT’s called
BUSINESS btw.
Hillary: ABYSS of
economy collaspes, oh nuuuuuu. Let me talk about Trumps tax plan because it
sucks. But my plans are awesome. Trust me. I’m Hillary. Let me talk about
energy. Trump likes China’s climate stuff
Trump: I Don’t think
the Chinese are correct about climate shit. But they created it.
Hillary: Bitch please
I’m talking. No going back to past, we don't want the past again.
Trump: She’s a piece
of shit, that’s a lie. Energy and debt? Come on y’all. Again the debt? Obama
did that. Again 30 years Hillary, come on yo, what did you do? Think of stuff.
Hillary: Actually-
Trump: No I’m talking.
Hillary: Okay I talk
now.
TRUMP AND HILLARY: I
TALK NOW???
Hillary: Trade deals?
Jobs in America? What did I do again? Oh I will not mention Benghazi right now.
Foreign policy, I’m kidding, trade deals? We have trade with China (umm they own
our debt though???)
Trump: I talk?
Hillary: No I-
Trump: I FUCKING TALK.
Where are our jobs?? I bring up your husband now. NAFTA.
Hillary: Wait what is
that?
Trump: Gold standard?
Hillary: No.
Trump: Uh, yeah!
Hillary: “I know you
live in your own reality.”
Trump: Um no IS IT
OBAMA’S FAULT???
Hillary: Different
views lol I want to look at stuff. Jobs.
Trump: NO PLAN!
Hillary: I do.
Trump: NO PLAN!
Hillary: Read my book?
Trump: NOPE.
Hillary: Growth?
Responsibilities, let me hit all those keywords in scrabble. Jobs.
Trump: Tax Cuts and Businesses
go? Ronald Reagan. New Jobs. "Regulate" time to drink. Regulations x10.
Hillary: No wait I
wanna talk Lester. Claims.
Trump: Facts.
Hillary: My website
fact checks (lol website fact checker, get the fuck outta here)
Trump: Look at mine
too!
FACT CHECKING BETWEEN
LIBERAL AND CONVERSATIVE LOLS
Hillary: Wealthy
stuff.
Trump: I’m talking
Lester fuck you. Hillary tells us how to fight ISIS?!?!
(Lols I am dying, this
is the best debate ever)
Lester: Umm, I'm really nervous, so….. Taxes?
Trump: Jobs, Jobs, and
tremendous job. Middle class mention drink. Overseas and money back? Bring that
money back. Taxes. Leaving to other countries. (to be fair this is accurate, he
knows business, but) MONEY x10. Also screw Obama.
---Hillary I will mark
a mark on my paper here like boop.---
Hillary: I make a joke
about being blamed about stuff
Trump: Um duh
(thinking joke isn't a joke)
Hillary: I-
Trump: I WANNA TALK.
Hillary: Proposal
mention, drink. Propose. Trump loophole. What?
Trump: But I wanna
talk.
Hillary: I am talking.
Trump: NO.
Hillary: Mess and
stuff in 2008. Wealthy? We need to do more. "Rebuild middle class"? Drink (because
that phrase has been said for the past 30 years now) College and debt free? (If I had to
pay for college, so should you.)
Trump: All talk no
action our country is suffering. Bad decisions they’ve done. Stock market mention
drink. Obama and golf. He likes golf but I like money!
Lester: I’m talking
about Taxes though, umm tax return?
Trump: It will be
released. Federal elections I mention? Income. I’m so boss I tell you exactly
how much I’m making. (I mean damn yo) More trade stuff. "Negotiation" drink. I’m
audited all the time lol I make so much fucking money. I should complain but I won’t,
I’ll only tell you I should be complaining but not actually complain. "Hillary
E-mails" mentioned DRINK IT DOWN.
---Audience goes crazy---
Lester: Umm audience
silence?? Please? (Audience will not care)
Hillary: "Prohibition" mentioned drink. Maybe he’s not rich or charitable? Business dealings, what’s
that? Maybe he’s lying. He didn’t pay federal tax.
Trump: That makes me
smart. (LOL)
Hillary: But why u no
pay taxes? You hiding something yo.
Lester: Emails?
Hillary: I made a
mistake. Oops?
Trump: Umm a mistake?
GTFO. Wait let me talk about my tax return. Let me provide those bank names. I
have a great company by the way, did you know that? HEY I KNOW MONEY SO I
SHOULD RUN THIS SHIT. I’m gonna bring up airports now. We’re a 3rd world
country now because of our airports? Middle East reference DRINK. Fuck these
politicians yo. We don’t got no money because of Middle East.
Hillary: so those
federal income tax? I met a bunch of little men, like your drapery installers,
like my dad, yeah get those sympathy points. What about his work?
Trump: Um I didn’t like
it.
Hillary: But he worked
hard. My late father didn’t work with you and I’m happy. Feelings.
Trump: Hey my company
is fucking boss yo. Don’t be hatin’. You gonna change the laws? Nope? Kay.
Business that’s what I do. I will get to Pennsylvania Ave one way or another,
I’m opening stuff up there fuck you guys Imma be president somewhere. Budget
mentioned so Drink.
Lester: Ummm can we
talk about something else? ……….Race.
Trump and Hillary: OH
HELL NO.
(I wanna hear this.)
Hillary: Oh yeah race
is a problem, I mean not a problem, but like I want everyone to love each
other. Because that’s shitty. Let me mention Tulsa and Charlotte. I know those
places. Restore trust…. Police and communities? Training and stuff. To be well
prepared to use force when it’s necessary, (which is almost every time.) I understand
black people. Yeah. Policing is brave but reform, I’m staying totally in the
middle. GUNS mentioned. DRINK. Gun. But I’m totally in the middle because holy hell
I don’t wanna pick a side to this.
Trump: Words you
forgot? Law and Order? We need it. Charlotte. And others places, where the fuck
is Tulsa again? "FOP" mention Drink. "Police", drink. "Inner cities", drink, it’s so
dangerous. Stop the violence. Obama hey your Chicago 4000 died. Stop and Frisk
lols. Gangs equal illegal immigrants. Police are scared now shit people are
mean.
Lester: Stop and frisk
is um unconstitional.
Trump: Um no you’re
wrong.
Lester: Racial
profiling?
Trump: Take the guns
away from bad people. You need more police and community relations. Ferguson
mention drink. Dallas police killed mention Drink. Law and Order. Inner cities.
African Americans and Hispanic.
Hillary: He says this
as his rallies. But he’s negative with the black people, I’m not. I love black
people.
(Honestly that’s not
what he said, that’s weird she’s say that)
Hillary: Hey crime is
down shut up. (Except in 2015 it went up 4% but whatevers) I say Latino instead
of Hispanic. Radicals stuff blacks get more arrested than whites. Racism in
criminal justice system. I wanna bring a plan in that will stop criminals.
(what the hell does that mean?) Guns. I want them gone. "Background checks" mentioned
drink. Prohibition to those terrorists yo. We know who they are.
Trump: I agree with half of what you said.
Lester: Biased people
against blacks?
Hillary: Um well
everyone has that. (Lol cop out.) Budget training for bias that makes no
sense!! "Mental Health" mentioned DRINK. Oops people are crazy, we need to handle
them, but it’s okay if they get killed.
Trump: NRA loves me by
the way 2nd amendment. Super predator? Stop and frisk away from
gangs?
Hillary: -I nod to
this-
Trump: Stop and frisk
stopped stuff yo. 2000 to 500 murder? Hey not too bad.
Hillary: But murder
continues to drop.
Trump: Um no lol
Hillary: But
communities do stuff to stop murder.
Trump: Yeah.
Hillary: I have no
idea what I’m talking about.
Trump: I love New York.
Hillary: "Rights" mentioned and drink. Yeah those communities.
Trump: Blacks are let
down by politicians. Fuck you guys. "Inner cities" mentioned drink. Used and
abused to get votes.
PHILLY SHOUT OUT
REPRESENT! …..Oh shit our city sucks dammit!
Hillary: Umm fuck you Trump
-gets applause-
Trump: Obama I thought
was a Muslim, whatever. He turned out his birth certificate. AND ISIS. AND
JOBS. BORDER. Important stuff like that.
Lester: umm answer?
Trump: Yeah I thought
he wasn’t American whatever. I cared that’s all.
Hillary: Oh jesus
Christ. He’s a racist. Imma mention first black president now (bitch he’s a
halfie) Donald’s career he is terrible because racist with departments. He’s
sued because he’s a business man. I personally love Barack Obama. Let me
mention Michelle now.
Trump: Umm you debated
him in 2008 and you were a bitch to him. I was sued but didn’t get convicted, hello
I’m a business man. I opened a club and I’m not racist, it’s a successful club.
But that’s how I do things.
Lester: dear god let
me say something else..... CYBER ATTACK! AHHH what do we do???
Hillary: Security is
like a big deal yo. I will not mention Anonymous here. Russia those bastards Mention
Russia because Putin likes you Trump right?
---I went to the
bathroom what happened?---
Hillary: I’m still
talking about Russia. Trump invited this hacking shit from Russia.
Trump: lols what?
Hillary: He is unfit
to be president because of Russia.
Trump: But admirals
want me to be president. Political hacks you are silly, I don’t care about you.
I got generals. Also Russia? What about China? Bernie Sanders mentioned?? Drink
I guess. We came up with the internet and now look at the internet, ISIS IS
RULING IT! (Whaaat?)
Hillary: Wait I have a
plan to defeat ISIS… online. (eye roll) I don’t know anything about the Middle
East even though I was Secretary of State. Al Qaeda called out, bring it old
school, Bid Laden remember him?
Lester: But Americans
are ISIS yo. New Jersey mention represent. So home grown stuff be like…?
Trump: Take out ISIS?
Obama and Hillary created ISIS. Oil we should’ve taken it but now ISIS.
Hillary: Fact
checkers? Invasion of Iraq? Trump?
Trump: Nope.
Hillary: You loved Gaddafi,
Bush did the troop thing not Obama but American ISIS? Intelligence is
important. We need to look for every scrape of information (TOTALLY WRONG I
know this personally) New Jersey mention represent. (we can’t gather all the
information, that’s silly, you collect the information that is IMPORTANT) Trump
insults Muslims by the way. Muslims can I get your vote?
Trump: Middle East is
a mess. Didn’t you do that. Iran deal? NATO but I’m a business guy and common
sense. 28 countries not paying money, lols I love business, cheap shot to New
York Times, NATO terror division love it. Money. NATO, but do that terror
stuff. “I’m not gonna get credit for it” DRINK. We need to fucking kill ISIS by
the way. Obama did this.
Lester: Iraq war?
Trump: I was against
the war in Iraq.
Lester: Record?
Trump: Nope. I said ‘who
knows’ back in the day. Economy. Hannity shout out yo. But why were we there in
Iraq? There’s an article, believe me! I didn’t like the war in Iraq.
Lester: But judgement?
Trump: I have better
judgment and better temperament
---Lols erupt from the
audience----
Trump: Winning
temperament. I am a winner. WINNING.
Hillary: lols what?
Nato, 9/11 mention DRINK. Nuclear bombs are bad mmkay. Iran deal haha I stopped
bombs. Taunting is bad mmkay. Japan shout out represent (NO EFFING WAY JAPAN
WOULD HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS GET OUTTA HERE.) Nuclear weapons is the number one
threat but America developed it………….????
Trump: Nuclear is the biggest
threat, not global warming, like stupid liberals think. We defend too many
people, Jesus fucking Christ that’s a lot of money.
Lester: I-
Trump: I AM TALKING
LESTER SHUT UP.
Lester: Oh god let me
talk, current policy about nuclear stuff oh god fine talk Trump.
Trump: So our
technology isn’t up to date with nuclear stuff. North Korea shout out. China
should destroy North Korea (except they're an ally lol) Iran has power over North
Korea...? Yemen shoutout how random. Iran deal was shit. Iran president guy
isn’t happy.
Hillary: Words matter
(lol feelings) America likes defending countries, let me make that clear. Iran
stuff. Where’s your ISIS plan.
(NO one has a plan to
defeat ISIS fucking hell)
Hillary: Can I pretend
I’m answering the question by not answering the question?
Trump: Hillary says to
go to her website for that plan to defeat ISIS. Japan shout out again. But we
don’t need to be in Japan so much. We aren’t the police of the world. Hillary
doesn’t do business but I do, money yays! Wait ISIS is a threat? Why?
Lester: So Hillary is
a woman.
Trump: She doesn’t
have the look or stamina (lol that cold)
Lester: But that was-
Trump: Lester did you
ask me a question? I will fucking answer it. Saudi Arabia shout out. Japan
shout out again what the hell?? Hillary doesn’t have stamina.
Hillary: Lester I went
to 112 countries btw I’m global. (how many were in Africa?)
---Audience goes crazy
for an old lady travelling---
Trump: Bad experience
she has. Please not 4 more years of this.
---Audience goes crazy for bad experienced old lady---
Hillary: Trump hates
women. I will say things that I think Trump said.
Trump: I never said
that.
Hillary: I know a Latino
and she’s voting for me.
Trump: What the hell
are you talking about? Rosie O'Donnell shout out lol. I hate HIllary's negative ads.
Not nice. I don’t deserve that. "Polls" mentioned DRINK.
---Damn all this
audience participation.---
Hillary: I support the
voters. But Vote for me please. Future depends on it.
Lester: …both of you can’t be president.
Hillary: I guess I'll support Trump.... I'm lying to your face.
Lester: …both of you can’t be president.
Hillary: I guess I'll support Trump.... I'm lying to your face.
Trump: “I wanna make
America great again” FINISH THAT DRINK. Immigration and those citizens.
Lester: …both of you
can’t be president.
Trump: But I will
support Hillary if I don’t win. I’m totally lying to your face.
Lester: OMG we got
nothing covered fuck.
Hillary and Trump we
shake like we give a shit about each other.
---Insert internet going
completely insane---
