Asked this question to every person I don't trust... which, counting, has been 22 people so far. And I believe half of them are currently on my ship.
-I have a nice ass.
-Bioware does it again with there ridiculous robotic mouth movement.
-Everyone talks like a fish.
-Shepard Ryder looks like a 'tard 90% of the time... and confused the other 10%.
-Derp de derp I'm a pathfinder. Wtf am I doing?
-I'm pretty sure Cora is gonna kill me in my sleep.
-Now that I've seen a female Krogan my question from the last 3 games remains... How do Krogans have sex?
-That bitch Liara still finds a way to haunt me.
-First glitch of the game consisted of phasing through a hill and falling into an empty abyss below the planet I was on.
-Jumping only works half of the time. Usually the half where it doesn't matter.
-Liam won't stop saying "hey" to me.
-Liam is the only person who jitters when he stands.
-Liam is kind of a dick.
-Liam stands around and watches the fighting goes on as the fighting goes on.
-I've caught Liam at least 10 times standing in a corner by himself.
-Can you tell I'm done with Liam's shit already?
-Peebee will not stop getting in my way and she JUST JOINED MY TEAM.
-Peebee is also the weirdest name in the game so far. I have to go to the bathroom now.
-I have caused my team mates to scream (and sound in extreme pain??) more just from jumping like a spider monkey from "exploring" (fucking around)
-My twin is an Asian man, my makeup looks like blue scar tissue, and my dad is a blue eyed handsome silver fox......... lol genetics.
At least I can confirm the dialogue is just as shitty as the first 3 games.
I’m already done with half the universe’s shenanigans and god damn errand running.
-Peebee, I’m sure of it now, is mentally retarded. While jumping up to a platform, I walk inside a building with no issue. Low and behold I hear “Uuuhhh. Ooowww. Ooooh.” From this fucking teammate jumping up and hitting her head every time trying to get up.
-So Mass Effect 3 whenever you tried to pick something up, you rolled. Now whenever you try to pick something up, you jump... or melee punch... Total improvement.
-Just learned if you are a female looking to be a heterosexual good fucking luck, you get boring Liam or Jaal the weird looking alien. How did this game not fix this from the last 3?? Shenanigans.
-People glitches: Talking to chief police Turian causes him to stare to the side for 30 SECONDS before acknowledging my existence.
-Even if I'm already inside a door, I still have to make an entrance through said door for a cutscene.
-Cora loves to get in my way while I’m trying to survive, unintentionally getting me killed.
-Water and hazardous poisonous death liquid look exactly the same.
-I have died from said syke-not-water unsafe substance more than in actual combat. Not sure what this says about me.
-Strangest glitch so far: arriving to a planet in a spacesuit with space as a floor, then suddenly stepping outta my ship like I wasn’t floating in mid air 5 seconds ago.
-Kallo loves to stand up glitch right before I talk to him, standing up unnecessarily.
-I finally found the bar. Someone's getting drunk.
-Cheating with an AI is totally appropriate.
-Talked to a scientist on Eos who was with a buddy. Said buddy, as our conversation is going on, starts looking around the room like he’s watching a ship zoom around. Most distracting thing ever.
-Jaal will not allow me personal space while on missions. Go into a corner, guess who’s right on my toned ass? Jump up on a tiny ledge, guess who’s in my mother fucking way not letting me move? LEAVE ME ALONE.
-And even so, every time I talk to Jaal in the ship, he RUNS AWAY RIGHT AFTER TALKING. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND.
-I keep calling Drack Rex.
-Apparently talking down protesters, everyone has a very calm and organized voice EXCEPT FOR RYDER WHO LIKES TO SHOUT AT RANDOM TIMES FOR NO REASONS IMMA PATHFINDER YOU.
-Shepard Ryder’s idea of flirting is “I like when you flirt with me.” There is no way she’s ever getting laid.
I have laughed more from this game being unintentionally hilarious than the actually jokes so far.
I've been an errand girl on a few planets now.
Apparently being a pathfinder means you have loads of free time to help people accomplish stupid shit.
-Suvi, with her cute accent, loves to roll her eyes into the back of her head as she side glances me from her seat. Is it infatuation or a seizure?
-Shepard's Ryder's arms move faster than her legs when she runs.
-I am now officially a master at phasing through planets. I swear to god I am the only one who has this issue.
-You can take the Warthog Mako Mar's Rover Nomad anywhere. Oh the game says not there? Try me.
-Favorite glitch so far has to be: my death as I was hacking into a base... only to have not died... but I did. The screen was red, the creature was dead next to me, my teammates were huddled around me trying to figure out what to do, the clock was ticking down, the sounds of me dying continued every few seconds, and I could still control where to send me teammates. I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
-Jaal has the most soothing voice...
-Why in the hell does Liam keep taking his shirt off?
-I may be the luckiest person at accidentally surviving cold temperatures.
-I said I was done with giant robots trying to kill me in ME3. I was proven ME doesn't care about my feelings.
-Never trust a bartender's new drink. You will pass out and wake up on stage...?
Trying to figure out if Ryder is dead inside or just can't make facial expressions.
-I’m worried Ryder has an IQ of a potato.
-Concerned Ryder needs extensive lessons in Flirting 101.
-Also concerned Ryder does so much hard labor for free.
-There is no bathroom in the Pathfinder headquarters.
-I am so god damn sick of mining for coal minerals.
-Who knew figuring out alien technology consisted of understanding Sudoku. Wait, are Japanese people the Remnant?
-Talked to a "disillusioned" outlaw and she put her hand through her face.
-People dance to no music on Kadara. I think everyone here is crazy.
-Once again Jaal and personal space are non-existent.
-Cora, bless her heart, is always the one to die of my teammates because I send her out in the middle of danger and then, um, forget to help her.
-Fucked up the Nomad Warthog so badly that it was completely on fire, but stopping to fix it is for quitters.
-Why is it some people are so excited to see me while others literally want to bite my face off?
-Sometimes Ryder speaks from her mind and everyone hears her. I’m just asking for some lip movement Bioware…
-When fighting outlaws, there’s at least one that runs straight up to me, pauses, doesn’t shoot, turns around to look at my teammates, pauses again, turns back around and I shoot them in the face.
-Kadara has by far been the glitchiest planet. Nomad Warthog will freeze up every 5 seconds as I trek through this ungodly poisonous hell hole.
-Why is the same button to get into the Nomad Warthog the same button to LEAVE THE PLANET?!
-I died from staring too long into the landscape because it was pretty. How did I die? Fell off a cliff. Scream grunted after I died.
-If I wasn’t the Pathfinder, I’m pretty sure no one would ever talk to me.
And the award for weirdest conversation while riding in the Nomad Warthog goes to:
Peebee: Oh… Ryder… are you sure? Here? Now? But Jaal’s right here… what if he wakes uuuhhhh… oh screw it! I want you! Let’s do it!
Jaal: Alright. Pull over. I’ll give you two some privacy.
Peebee: I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING!
Jaal: It seems I wasn’t the only one.
...What in the actual fuck is this game?
I HAS ANGER!.......I think??...........?
-Cora is by far my most gungho teammate… even when the fighting is over.
...Don't believe me?
-Queen. Of. Phasing. Through. Planets.
-Anomaly found. Scanning. I FOUND A RIVER! +14XP
-Ryder fucks are not given when dead bodies are found everywhere.
-Angara female think they have asses to shake when they walk. Spoiler Alert: They don’t.
-Romancing Jaal is like experiencing a Fabio covered romance novel covered in glorious feels in alien form.
-Lexi, I just realized, is Margaery Tyrell.
-Liam is soooooo boring.
-Peebee drunk flirted with me and I didn't want it.
-On Aya: Watched an Angara walk around in a circle for a good minute. Watched another one patting a wall that didn't need patting. Watching another one drunkenly stand in a corner by herself. Watched another one stare at a planet endlessly... I don't think we should be on this planet.
-Ryder Shepard lolidunno trying to be a leader is like a toddler trying to tell other toddlers what to do at the playground.
-Bioware sometimes what you have provided as an answer from Ryder is NOT WHAT SHE SAYS.
-I've climbed through more side railings than I'd like to admit. Maybe Shepard Ryder is a phantom.
-I can fly in my Nomad Mars Rover if I drive it off a high enough cliff.
-Depending on where you stand on Eos, either a plant has a shadow or is floating in the air.
-How is it the humans in this universe HAVE THE CREEPIEST EYES OUT OF EVERYONE?!
NEWS
Incredibly accurate.
Best view from the game goes to:
Almost as good as Jaal's eyes.
-I take back what I said about Liam, he’s hilarious. (Just did his loyalty mission… and I ask Bioware why wasn’t the rest of the game like this?) He’s still an idiot however.
-The bromance of Liaal (Liam and Jaal) is rather endearing. Totally weird and rather naked, yes, but endearing....?
-Vetra is a bitch. I like her.
-I could stare at Jaal’s eyes all day.
-Ryder tends to trust Exiles for fuck knows why.
-If I hear SAM tell me one more time I can mine this mother fucking area for resources I’m ripping him outta my head.
-Elaaden is a total sandy shithole.
-Door shuts on Ryder but are the fucks given??? Spoiler Alert: a no.
-After that cutscene I ran through a box.
-Jaal’s eyes are so very soothing.
-Fought someone stuck in a wall........ Yeah, let that sink in. Took me a good minute to figure out where the gun fire was coming from.... and then they literally suddenly appeared outta thin air.
-Angara holding no guns during a cutscene lmao Jaal loyalty mission got a whole lot funnier. “Stop or we’ll shoot!” -- “….shoot with what??”
-Once again, Peebee the mentally handicap cannot jump up on platforms correctly. I had such high hopes for her.
-Speaking of Peebee, can't a Ryder just float in Zero G for a few minutes without getting coerced for sex?
-Jaal’s eeeeeyyyyyeeeeessssss
Looks like update 8 for PS4 caused more glitches for me.
Aziz Asari........ -buh dum tss-
This game is so utterly hilarious. I can't believe it keeps gettingworse better.
-Romancing Jaal was actually really sweet. And naked. Very naked.
This game is so utterly hilarious. I can't believe it keeps getting
-Best. Glitch. Ever: Cutscene of a very sad moment where Ryder and Daddy are huddled around dying mommy. No mommy don't die. "We'll give you some time alone." Says Ryder and begins to walk away... with her arm stuck out... as if escorting a ghost- omg Twin is supposed to be there, she's escorting an invisible Twin. I laughed so god damn hard I totally missed the rest of the sad cutscene.
-Apparently, I, the almighty Pathfinder, am the only one sent out to stop a contagious person from trekking through the whole Andromeda galaxy and killing the entire human race. No pressure.
-No one ever looks at their holo-wrist-typer-thingy when they are conversing. What are they pushing?! If I met someone who did this in real life I'd swat their hand away.
-Because Jaal doesn't understand personal space, I died because he blocked a platform for me to jump on as we both jumped to it and he got there first, causing a fall to my death.
-Turian immigration officer literally typed for a full 2 mins at her computer while staring at me. It was so creepy and totally
unproductive.
-Parking on tracks means you can't scan them apparently.
-It's never more apparent how bad a leader Ryder is than when she's with Drack.
-Jaal tells me to watch out for sinkholes. I don't.
-Whenever I take a grand jump in
Nomad Warthog, a teammate will laugh in complete glee.
-I Leeroy Jenkins'd an outcast post and actually lived due to glitches.
-Took me way to long to figure out I have a boost on the
Nomad Warthog.
-Space Hamsters still exist.
Bioware has to be doing this on purpose.
Speaking of this company.
-Whenever I go visit Daddy's room, there is a guard crouched down with a gun scanning the area. I never know what the fuck he's doing. I DOES GUARDING?!
-Eos, for some reason, will not let me kill all the Kett.
-Just found out Angara are wizards.
-Found Jaal loving the Cultural Center. He can study my anatomy any day ....................................................................................... I'll see myself out now.
-Bar fighting with Drack was so hilarious. We all know Sara Ryder's face is derpy, but I fell over dying watching her face do "the anger" before this fight. Was laughing so hard I couldn't even dodge the punch coming. Sadly the punch didn't help her face out.
(Bringing this back as reference..... I HAS THE ANGER....?)
-That Krogan nest on Elaadan is the worst place to walk around. I jump off the edges and hope I get to my destination because I can't figure out the tunnels.
-Sometimes the map tells you to go somewhere and it is not the place you need to go.
-Found a Krogan in a corner tapping on the wall. At least give the poor guy a job to do.
-Had my first frozen in combat moment. Of course it involved my phase jumping.
-How many times am I gonna ask; "Who the hell put Addison in charge?"
-This game really wants me to romance Peebee. I will not god dammit! I refuse!
-Found Peebee once again standing behind a wall staring at it while we were
dying in combat.
-Speaking of Peebee, her almost getting me killed for her loyalty mission does not help her chances at romance.
-I'm pretty sure Jaal is Vetra's therapist.
-Does Jaal step in my way every time I have a great shot and I shoot him in the head instead? Yes. A lot.
-One time I killed a Kett and Jaal magically popped in front of me punching the already dead enemy with a loud grunt. Scared the shit outta me.
-Peebee finally stopped harassing me about sex.
-English is not this game’s strong point, but it’s how I imagine Ryder to talk:
DID THAT SERIOUSLY GET BY 9 UPDATES????
-Romancing Jaal was actually really sweet. And naked. Very naked.
-Like boobs naked. And alien butt.
-Didn’t realize romancing Jaal meant romancing his mother as well. (Who asks you about human birth and it’s process???)
-Speaking of the romance scenes, I decided to watch them all and may I just say Sara’s derpy face is a good 50% more derpier than Scott’s. It’s HILARIOUS.
I is sexy now…??
-Idioms. Idioms everywhere (that Jaal doesn't understand)
-Ever get into a scenario when you’re teammates keep shouting; “We’re done for if this keeps up!” “There’s too many of them!” “What are we gonna do?!” …After you’ve killed the enemy already? ...–Raises hand-
-Movie night was hilarious. I approve.
-At some unknown point during the game I went from a derpy leader that no one listened to… to “omg you saved us all! We’ll do whatever you say!” I’m unsure where this point was but it sure happened fast.
-A lot of Kett and Remnant were fought. I won.
-Scott, uugh, R-Ryder, uuggh, and, ugug, his, ahagga, grunting……. Cracked me up.
-“We must…. Find a path.” Is it because -gasp- you're a pathfinder derp?
-People I forgot I helped came to help me. Neat. Some of them did jack shit but neat.
-Jumping into Jaal’s arms at the end and spinning around legit gave me the biggest laugh of the game. WTF kind of reaction was that????
WE SAVED THE UNIVERSE! NOW SPIN ME AROUND AND TELL ME I'M PRETTY! AHAHAHHAHA!!!
-Epilogue conversations with teammates were hilariously poor animation and fish mouth.
-Then I danced. Because I could. I wanted to dance again and it wouldn’t let me.
-There were only two other people dancing. That’s not a very good dance party.
-They were also much better at dancing than I was.
-DID I JUST HEAR A QUARIAN!?!??! AIHFRSHGRKVMKRM –hyper ventilates-
And featuring Unanswered Questions + WTF:
-Who… killed Jien Garson?
-Wtf is the scourge anyway?
-Who the fuck is the Benefactor? Is it
Illusive Man Martin Sheen Mitt Romney?
-What exactly are the Initiative’s goals?
-Umm…. Mommy???
Apparently I’m not done this game either...? So Part 10 will probably be coming along soon.
